SORT
The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I stole a roll of toilet paper from work. Zero regrets. Their cafeteria food fucked up my stomach and I was going through toilet paper like crazy. I’m not paying for that shit. Literally. So yeah, I took a roll home. I feel completely justified.
21 judgments · Jury assembled
13 Penance judgments, 8 Forgive judgments
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Apparently, worse things are happening.
I told my professor I was sick for an extension, but really I just wanted to sleep in
5 of 12 jurors assembled
2 Penance judgments, 3 Forgive judgments
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The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I put something on my to-do list after I had already done it just so I could cross it off and feel productive.
13 judgments · Jury assembled
1 Penance judgment, 12 Forgive judgments
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The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I pretended I didn’t see someone waving at me because I couldn’t remember their name. I still don’t know who they were.
25 judgments · Jury assembled
23 Penance judgments, 2 Forgive judgments
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The Department has been informed that personal growth is underway.
I shared an AI-generated photo with a friend because it made me look much better than I do in real life. I wanted to impress her, so I let her believe this is how I look. Now I feel guilty because it feels like I lied about my appearance.
15 judgments · Jury assembled
14 Penance judgments, 1 Forgive judgment
PENANCE ORDER
ASSIGNED BY THE DEPARTMENT
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Send your friend the original, unedited photo with the message: “My free trial of being ridiculously photogenic has expired.”
The Department has certain administrative weaknesses.
I’m building full-time and complaining that nobody is buying my stuff, while doing almost nothing to make sure anyone knows it exists.
BRIBED · $5.00 Paid to avoid personal growth.
12 judgments · Jury assembled
12 Penance judgments, 0 Forgive judgments
PENANCE ORDER
ASSIGNED BY THE DEPARTMENT
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Apparently, worse things are happening.
I ate all Hallowing candy that my kids collected and told them they expired.
1 of 12 jurors assembled
1 Penance judgment, 0 Forgive judgments
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killing humor
The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I reheated fish in the office microwave. Twice. I regret nothing.
13 judgments · Jury assembled
11 Penance judgments, 2 Forgive judgments
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Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.
I laughed at a joke I didn’t hear because asking them to repeat it for the third time felt worse.
17 judgments · Jury assembled
8 Penance judgments, 9 Forgive judgments
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The jury was evenly divided. The Department declines to punish on a technicality.
I ate my roommate’s leftovers and then helped them look for them.
12 judgments · Jury assembled
6 Penance judgments, 6 Forgive judgments
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you have to cook a complimentary breakfast for them now
Apparently, worse things are happening.
I tell my children not to lie. I hid in the bathroom and told them I was pooping because I wanted ten minutes alone.
1 of 12 jurors assembled
1 Penance judgment, 0 Forgive judgments
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Girl, you deserve a day off!
The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I accidentally liked a photo from 2019 while stalking my ex on Instagram. I unliked it instantly, googled whether the notification would still show, blocked them, unblocked them, and then sat there feeling like an absolute psychopath. I want a new name and a new country.
14 judgments · Jury assembled
2 Penance judgments, 12 Forgive judgments
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The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I keep buying domain names instead of actually building at least one of my ideas, but I can still tell myself I’m busy doing something.
7 of 12 jurors assembled
1 Penance judgment, 6 Forgive judgments
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Apparently, worse things are happening.
I want my IG posts to look effortless, which is apparently taking a lot of effort.
1 of 12 jurors assembled
1 Penance judgment, 0 Forgive judgments
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Your next Instagram post must use the third photo in your camera roll that you would normally reject. No filters. No cropping. Caption written in under 60 seconds. It must remain public
The Department has certain administrative weaknesses.
I bought a $180 coat because it was 40% off. I did not need a coat. I already own four coats. But technically I saved $120, so I’m choosing to focus on that.
BRIBED · $20.00 Paid to avoid personal growth.
15 judgments · Jury assembled
13 Penance judgments, 2 Forgive judgments
PENANCE ORDER
Recommended by @IAmOkay0 strangers unnecessarily agreed.
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For every unnecessary coat that enters your closet, one must leave. Donate one. The coat cycle must continue.
Against all expectations, @Patootie actually did it.
I reorganized my desk instead of answering one very easy email.
12 judgments · Jury assembled
12 Penance judgments, 0 Forgive judgments
PENANCE ORDER
ASSIGNED BY THE DEPARTMENT
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Answer the email before reorganizing one more object.
The Department has been informed that personal growth is underway.
I told my client I was "waiting on engineering." I am engineering.
13 judgments · Jury assembled
13 Penance judgments, 0 Forgive judgments
PENANCE ORDER
Recommended by @UserName1 strangers unnecessarily agreed.
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File an internal engineering incident report titled “ROOT CAUSE: ME.” Document what was delayed, what “engineering” was actually doing, and the new ETA.
The Internet has reviewed the facts, the excuses, and the regrettable choices. Penance it is.
I leave the country in one day and have no food so I ordered pizza but they had a cheap offer for 2 pizzas so I ordered 2 and now I need to eat two big pizzas by myself in a day
15 judgments · Jury assembled
12 Penance judgments, 3 Forgive judgments
PENANCE ORDER
Recommended by @IAmOkay0 strangers unnecessarily agreed.
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Give away at least one slice of pizza to someone and formally announce: “Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am no longer able to provide adequate care for all my pizzas.”
The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I moved my mouse every ten minutes so Slack would think I was working while I watched The White Lotus
13 judgments · Jury assembled
6 Penance judgments, 7 Forgive judgments
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The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I ate 10 brownies today, and yesterday I promised myself to reduce sweets
13 judgments · Jury assembled
2 Penance judgments, 11 Forgive judgments
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The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I keep opening the fridge even though I know there’s nothing new in there.
23 judgments · Jury assembled
11 Penance judgments, 12 Forgive judgments
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Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.
I signed up for a 6 a.m. workout class because I was feeling ambitious at 9 p.m. Aparently at 5:30 a.m. I became a completely different person.
26 judgments · Jury assembled
11 Penance judgments, 15 Forgive judgments
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The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I just saw my ex in public and tried to look busy on my phone, but instead I walked directly into a glass door. They definitely saw. I need to leave the planet now...
11 of 12 jurors assembled
10 Penance judgments, 1 Forgive judgment
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The Internet has been asked to involve itself.
I told everyone at work my camera is broken but I just did not want to get ready
15 judgments · Jury assembled
0 Penance judgments, 15 Forgive judgments
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The Department has been informed that personal growth is underway.
I haven't replied to my friend's text for nine days. At this point l'm waiting for enough time to pass that one of us dies and the problem resolves itself.
12 judgments · Jury assembled
12 Penance judgments, 0 Forgive judgments
PENANCE ORDER
Recommended by @Patootie0 strangers unnecessarily agreed.
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Send the reply now. Your opening sentence must be: “For administrative purposes, I am confirming that I am still alive.”
