Confess your minor moral failures. Judge everyone else's.

CASE #GC-2026-00002811

The Internet has reviewed the facts, the excuses, and the regrettable choices. Penance it is.

@KristinaK

I leave the country in one day and have no food so I ordered pizza but they had a cheap offer for 2 pizzas so I ordered 2 and now I need to eat two big pizzas by myself in a day

15 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

Give away at least one slice and formally announce: “Due to unforeseen circumstances, I can no longer provide adequate care for all my pizzas.”

Recommended by @IAmOkay0 strangers unnecessarily agreed.

@IAmOkayGive away at least one slice of pizza to someone and formally announce: “Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am no longer able to provide adequate care for all my pizzas.”

CASE #GC-2026-00002814

Apparently, worse things are happening.

@Patootie

I just saw my ex in public and tried to look busy on my phone, but instead I walked directly into a glass door. They definitely saw. I need to leave the planet now...

11 of 12 jurors assembled

@IAmOkayFor one month, you must begin the day by saying: "My ex does not scare me. Eye contact does not scare me. Glass is the only thing I need to watch out for."

CASE #GC-2026-00002817

Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.

@IAmOkay

I moved my mouse every ten minutes so Slack would think I was working while I watched The White Lotus

13 judgments · Jury assembled

@PatootieWrite it in your email to HR as the main argument that you deserve a raise for all your heard work.

CASE #GC-2026-00001946

Apparently, worse things are happening.

@IAmOkay

I ate all Hallowing candy that my kids collected and told them they expired.

1 of 12 jurors assembled

@IAmOkaykilling humor

CASE #GC-2026-00002308

Apparently, worse things are happening.

@IAmOkay

I tell my children not to lie. I hid in the bathroom and told them I was pooping because I wanted ten minutes alone.

1 of 12 jurors assembled

@PatootieGirl, you deserve a day off!

CASE #GC-2026-00002819

Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.

@UserName

I accidentally liked a photo from 2019 while stalking my ex on Instagram. I unliked it instantly, googled whether the notification would still show, blocked them, unblocked them, and then sat there feeling like an absolute psychopath. I want a new name and a new country.

14 judgments · Jury assembled

@IAmOkayWrite down every ridiculous question you Googled during the incident. Read them aloud in your most serious courtroom voice. End with: “Your Honor, I was not in a rational state of mind.”

CASE #GC-2026-00002812

Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.

@IAmOkay

I laughed at a joke I didn’t hear because asking them to repeat it for the third time felt worse.

17 judgments · Jury assembled

CASE #GC-2026-00002821

The Internet has reviewed the facts, the excuses, and the regrettable choices. Penance it is.

@UserName

I reheated fish in the office microwave. Twice. I regret nothing.

13 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

Before your next microwave use, state aloud: “This meal contains no twice-reheated fish.” Proceed only after the declaration.

ASSIGNED BY THE DEPARTMENT

@IAmOkayClean the office microwave thoroughly. Leave a handwritten note: “Crime scene restored. Suspect remains at large.”

CASE #GC-2026-00002818

Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.

@IAmOkay

I put something on my to-do list after I had already done it just so I could cross it off and feel productive.

13 judgments · Jury assembled

CASE #GC-2026-00002805

Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.

@UserName

I signed up for a 6 a.m. workout class because I was feeling ambitious at 9 p.m. Aparently at 5:30 a.m. I became a completely different person.

26 judgments · Jury assembled

CASE #GC-2026-00002781

Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.

@IAmOkay

I ate 10 brownies today, and yesterday I promised myself to reduce sweets

13 judgments · Jury assembled

CASE #GC-2026-00002820

Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.

@UserName

I keep opening the fridge even though I know there’s nothing new in there.

23 judgments · Jury assembled

@IAmOkayWrite a one-star review of your fridge: “Visited 17 times today. Selection never changes. Management refuses to restock. Will return in 10 minutes.”

CASE #GC-2026-00002806

Apparently, worse things are happening.

@Daniil

I told my professor I was sick for an extension, but really I just wanted to sleep in

5 of 12 jurors assembled

CASE #GC-2026-00002815

The Internet has reviewed the facts, the excuses, and the regrettable choices. Penance it is.

@Patootie

I pretended I didn’t see someone waving at me because I couldn’t remember their name. I still don’t know who they were.

25 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

Effective immediately, uncertain acquaintances must receive a solemn nod and the phrase, “Greetings, Person of Known Face.”

ASSIGNED BY THE DEPARTMENT

CASE #GC-2026-00002813

Against the available evidence, the Internet has shown mercy.

@KristinaK

I told everyone at work my camera is broken but I just did not want to get ready

15 judgments · Jury assembled

@IAmOkayAttend your next video meeting with your camera on for the first 60 seconds. Announce: “Great news! My camera has made a miraculous recovery.” Offer no further explanation.

CASE #GC-2026-00002791

The Department has certain administrative weaknesses.

@IAmOkay

I’m building full-time and complaining that nobody is buying my stuff, while doing almost nothing to make sure anyone knows it exists.

BRIBED · $5.00 Paid to avoid personal growth.

12 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

For the rest of today, when asked what you’re doing, answer: “Building something nobody knows exists.” Strategic vagueness is suspended.

ASSIGNED BY THE DEPARTMENT

CASE #GC-2026-00002784

The Department has been informed that personal growth is underway.

@Patootie

I told my client I was "waiting on engineering." I am engineering.

13 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

For your next 3 client updates, “waiting on engineering” is banned. Each update must name the exact unfinished component and give a specific completion date. The department will accept no further outsourcing of your own backlog.

Recommended by @UserName1 strangers unnecessarily agreed.

CASE #GC-2026-00002823

Apparently, worse things are happening.

@UserName

I keep buying domain names instead of actually building at least one of my ideas, but I can still tell myself I’m busy doing something.

7 of 12 jurors assembled

@IAmOkayPost the following somewhere your entrepreneurial friends can see it: “I am the proud founder of 17 domain names, zero businesses, and a very promising collection of annual renewal fees.”

@IAmOkayFile an internal engineering incident report titled “ROOT CAUSE: ME.” Document what was delayed, what “engineering” was actually doing, and the new ETA.

CASE #GC-2026-00002810

The Department has been informed that personal growth is underway.

@Sergey

I shared an AI-generated photo with a friend because it made me look much better than I do in real life. I wanted to impress her, so I let her believe this is how I look. Now I feel guilty because it feels like I lied about my appearance.

15 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

Any future AI portrait you send must be captioned: “Artist’s impression; facial accuracy not guaranteed.” Omission will be treated as continued sorcery.

ASSIGNED BY THE DEPARTMENT

@IAmOkaySend your friend the original, unedited photo with the message: “My free trial of being ridiculously photogenic has expired.”

CASE #GC-2026-00002800

The Department has certain administrative weaknesses.

@UserName

I bought a $180 coat because it was 40% off. I did not need a coat. I already own four coats. But technically I saved $120, so I’m choosing to focus on that.

BRIBED · $20.00 Paid to avoid personal growth.

15 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

For every unnecessary coat that enters your closet, one must leave. Donate one. The coat cycle must continue.

Recommended by @IAmOkay0 strangers unnecessarily agreed.

@IAmOkayFor every unnecessary coat that enters your closet, one must leave. Donate one. The coat cycle must continue.

CASE #GC-2026-00002816

The Internet has reviewed the facts, the excuses, and the regrettable choices. Penance it is.

@Patootie

I stole a roll of toilet paper from work. Zero regrets. Their cafeteria food fucked up my stomach and I was going through toilet paper like crazy. I’m not paying for that shit. Literally. So yeah, I took a roll home. I feel completely justified.

21 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

Return the roll in person and say, “This has completed an unauthorized home assignment.” No further explanation will be accepted.

ASSIGNED BY THE DEPARTMENT

@IAmOkayYou have to steal the toilet paper back into the office. Same roll. Full circle.

CASE #GC-2026-00002767

Against all expectations, @Patootie actually did it.

@Patootie

I reorganized my desk instead of answering one very easy email.

12 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

For 45 consecutive minutes, all mouse activity must be performed with your non-dominant hand. Productivity complaints will be filed and ignored.

ASSIGNED BY THE DEPARTMENT

@IAmOkayAnswer the email before reorganizing one more object.

CASE #GC-2026-00002786

Apparently, worse things are happening.

@UserName

I want my IG posts to look effortless, which is apparently taking a lot of effort.

1 of 12 jurors assembled

@PatootieYour next Instagram post must use the third photo in your camera roll that you would normally reject. No filters. No cropping. Caption written in under 60 seconds. It must remain public

CASE #GC-2026-00002766

The jury was evenly divided. The Department declines to punish on a technicality.

@UserName

I ate my roommate’s leftovers and then helped them look for them.

12 judgments · Jury assembled

@IAmOkayyou have to cook a complimentary breakfast for them now

CASE #GC-2026-00002782

The Department has been informed that personal growth is underway.

@Patootie

I haven't replied to my friend's text for nine days. At this point l'm waiting for enough time to pass that one of us dies and the problem resolves itself.

12 judgments · Jury assembled

PENANCE ORDER

Reply now. Your opening sentence must be: “For administrative purposes, I am confirming that I am still alive.”

Recommended by @Patootie0 strangers unnecessarily agreed.

@PatootieSend the reply now. Your opening sentence must be: “For administrative purposes, I am confirming that I am still alive.”

Retrieving the record…

Confess your minor moral failures. Judge everyone else's.

Give away at least one slice and formally announce: “Due to unforeseen circumstances, I can no longer provide adequate care for all my pizzas.”

Before your next microwave use, state aloud: “This meal contains no twice-reheated fish.” Proceed only after the declaration.

Effective immediately, uncertain acquaintances must receive a solemn nod and the phrase, “Greetings, Person of Known Face.”

For the rest of today, when asked what you’re doing, answer: “Building something nobody knows exists.” Strategic vagueness is suspended.

For your next 3 client updates, “waiting on engineering” is banned. Each update must name the exact unfinished component and give a specific completion date. The department will accept no further outsourcing of your own backlog.

Any future AI portrait you send must be captioned: “Artist’s impression; facial accuracy not guaranteed.” Omission will be treated as continued sorcery.

For every unnecessary coat that enters your closet, one must leave. Donate one. The coat cycle must continue.

Return the roll in person and say, “This has completed an unauthorized home assignment.” No further explanation will be accepted.

For 45 consecutive minutes, all mouse activity must be performed with your non-dominant hand. Productivity complaints will be filed and ignored.

Reply now. Your opening sentence must be: “For administrative purposes, I am confirming that I am still alive.”